And I mean that sincerely - no sarcasm in the title. Hard to believe with me since I use sarcasm like it's my most favorite perfume but...no... kids really are wonderful. Even when they reach their little hands into your chest cavity, grab your heart and squeeze it so hard the seams pop.
That's what my 9 year old did Tuesday night and I'm still not sure I've completely recovered. He's my stepson so we've always struggled a bit with that dynamic. His mother lives in Iowa, he rarely sees her and speaks to her only once every month or two (my opinion on her is a post I probably shouldn't ever consider doing...) however, she IS his mother and I've always respected that.
He uses it, though and that doesn't surprise me, either - he is a kid. I always figured he'd be in his teens or twenties (I'm hopeful teens...) before he realized that I'm more of a mom to him than she has ever been - you know the thought process. I've never pictured it as a Sound of Music moment or anything - he'd realize it, give it some serious thought and then be grateful to God that He put a "Mom" in his life. Know what I mean?
Tuesday...
He uses it, though and that doesn't surprise me, either - he is a kid. I always figured he'd be in his teens or twenties (I'm hopeful teens...) before he realized that I'm more of a mom to him than she has ever been - you know the thought process. I've never pictured it as a Sound of Music moment or anything - he'd realize it, give it some serious thought and then be grateful to God that He put a "Mom" in his life. Know what I mean?
Tuesday...
How do my short stories always take so long to tell??
It started out innocent enough. I picked him up from school and noticed he needed to tie his shoe. I mention that to him, he says "ok" and off we go. We were in the van when I mentioned it so I figured he'd have it tied before we arrived home and didn't give it another thought. Then four hours go by, it's 9PM and we're picking him up after our class. His shoe is untied again. Or...I thought it was again. I ask him and he says oh...no....he forgot to tie it... 4 hours have gone by and he hasn't noticed the shoe is untied. In my head I'm giving thanks that this very rambunctious and energetic 9 year old hasn't stepped on this lace and fallen flat on his face but I have this look on my face that says I can't believe you ignored my request.
It's a simple request. I really should let it go, right? What's the harm in forgetting I asked him to tie his shoe? Except that it's a common event in regard to just about everything I ask him to do in the last couple of months and it's starting to feel a bit more like passive-agressive behavior than just kid stuff. The simple stuff he doesn't do when asked is feeling a lot like he wants me to know he doesn't have to do what I tell him to do - even if he ends up having to do it AND gets corner time...
Then I set myself up for the heart squeeze. I ask him - how does he think it makes me feel when he ignores my requests for him to do something? He thinks for a minute and then says "disappointed." Aaron and I are nodding, telling him that's a good word and describes exactly how I feel. Then...I have to ask... "do you care if you disappoint me?" And he says "not really."
Not really.
It started out innocent enough. I picked him up from school and noticed he needed to tie his shoe. I mention that to him, he says "ok" and off we go. We were in the van when I mentioned it so I figured he'd have it tied before we arrived home and didn't give it another thought. Then four hours go by, it's 9PM and we're picking him up after our class. His shoe is untied again. Or...I thought it was again. I ask him and he says oh...no....he forgot to tie it... 4 hours have gone by and he hasn't noticed the shoe is untied. In my head I'm giving thanks that this very rambunctious and energetic 9 year old hasn't stepped on this lace and fallen flat on his face but I have this look on my face that says I can't believe you ignored my request.
It's a simple request. I really should let it go, right? What's the harm in forgetting I asked him to tie his shoe? Except that it's a common event in regard to just about everything I ask him to do in the last couple of months and it's starting to feel a bit more like passive-agressive behavior than just kid stuff. The simple stuff he doesn't do when asked is feeling a lot like he wants me to know he doesn't have to do what I tell him to do - even if he ends up having to do it AND gets corner time...
Then I set myself up for the heart squeeze. I ask him - how does he think it makes me feel when he ignores my requests for him to do something? He thinks for a minute and then says "disappointed." Aaron and I are nodding, telling him that's a good word and describes exactly how I feel. Then...I have to ask... "do you care if you disappoint me?" And he says "not really."
Not really.
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did y'all hear me cry out there on the east coast???? It took all I had in me not to lash out (yes - I really am an incredibly immature child pretending to be mature most of the time) with something I'd never be able to take back. It went quiet in the van. Ominously quiet.
So...before I talk about what I did do, I have to ask. What would you do? What would you have said?
1 comment:
Oh, my... that's a tough one Bonnie! I'm sure he was just trying to "get your goat" so to speak. But, nonetheless, not sure how I would respond.
So, what did you do?
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