One Big Mixing Bowl

My post today is going to be a bit of "all over the place." I can just feel it. I think I need it, though. Toss everything that's going on in my head all in one place and see what comes out of it. Hopefully something worth looking at. If not, I hope I can figure out how to dispose of it without setting off any kind of nuclear warning bells & whatnot.

See...I'm hurt. Hurting. Hurted. Yeah - I know - that's not a word but when children are 2 they don't know that and it makes sense. I've been hurted and while I try to pretend it's no big deal, it really is. I want to deal with it the way I should. I want to be a good Jesus following girl and handle my feelings and the people who have hurt me the way He would. The trouble is, that part of me is being shoved into the corner by that other me. The me that seeks justice, righteousness... vengeance... that looks like what I want it to look like.

That part of me is the part I need to leave out of this mixing bowl 'cause that'll ruin everything. It's why I generally pull away from people when they say or do things to me that hurt or I don't like. I have always heard if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. So I don't. I stop talking to the person who has hurt me. Sometimes for just a little while, an hour or so and sometimes for a long, long time. The most recent one (I started talking to again) was 17 years (without talking) and she and I have only started talking via Facebook.

So... how do I stop pulling away? Stop cutting people out of my life? Because honestly...there are only 6 billion + people on this planet. Every single one of them would hurt me at one time or another if given the chance. I don't necessarily mean on purpose. Truth is, though, no one is perfect and everyone will let you down at some point. I let myself down all the time...

In this instance, too, some of those who have hurt me I have tried to talk to and have been completely ignored. I keep telling myself I just need to leave it in God's hands, let Him figure it out and I know it. I do. Completely. Truth is, though, this pain is so big and so deep, I don't want to wait for Him. I really want it fixed. Now.

This isn't a new hurt, either. It's an old one. Really old. Like...this last "thing" on the list was the straw that broke the camel's back. So... what do you do with that stuff you really thought you'd let go but apparently hadn't? I love Lysa's term. Yup... someone kicked my slop bucket although this is a particular slop bucket. I compartmentalize my hurts & those who have hurted me. There is one labeled family, one labeled friends, one labeled husband, one labeled kids... You know the drill. It takes longer to fill each bucket but oh what a mess, especially if more than one goes over at the same time but... I digress.

Rhetorically speaking... what do I do? How do I let go of the hurt? Oh... and as for talking about it with the offending party... I have tried that. A few times. I've been ignored and actually more people have jumped into the "hurt Bonnie" fray (Which - when I started thinking about it - these people really like to do. Still haven't quite figured that one out.). Not sure they went there intentionally but they did and then compounded it when I brought it up. Instead of making it better, they inferred I had done something to deserve the hurt.

Trust me...I've been thinking about that one but I keep coming up empty. To explain that, I'd have to write out the entire situation and I get venemous when I start writing it out. I've sent off a couple of angry emails over it all (that whole no one will actually talk to me part) and I'm pretty sure they haven't made it any better.

So...I stay hurt. And mostly family-less. And I'm hurted. Really, really hurted.


Sunday Strength

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

~Philippians 4:12-13



Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria.

And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.

While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth.

And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night.

And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased."

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us." So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds.

But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.

The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

~Luke 2:1-20

May you, as Mary, treasure all that is today and ponder them in your heart...
Merry Christmas, from our house to yours.


Christmas Eve

Then Isaiah said, "Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of my God also? Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. ~Isaiah 7:13-14


All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"—which means, "God with us."

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. ~Matthew 1:22-24

Silent Night. Holy Night. All is calm. All is bright. Round yon virgin, Mother & Child. Holy infant, so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent Night. Holy Night. Shepherds quake at the sight. Glories stream from heaven afar. Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia. Christ the Savior is born. Christ the Savior is born.

Silent Night. Holy Night. Son of God, love's pure light. Radiant beams from thy holy face. With the dawn of redeeming grace. Jesus, Lord at Thy birth. Jesus, Lord at Thy Birth.


Sunday Strength

"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,
though you are small among the clans of Judah,
out of you will come for me
one who will be ruler over Israel,
whose origins are from of old,
from ancient times."

~Micah 5:2


My Friend Patricia

I have a friend, Patricia. Patricia lives and lives well. I do not mean she is monetarily rich. I mean - she has experience after experience. She travels with Compassion International, she is raising three beautiful young women, she is wife to one amazing-sounding man (I haven't had the honor of meeting her husband as yet) and she serves at one humdinger of a church. I love reading Patricia's blog.

She doesn't know I'm linking this one but...if you get a chance, read this:

A Hero In Our Midst

She meets and works with the best people... truly.


Sunday Strength

Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

~Hebrews 13:1-3


Fallen Heroes

On November 29, 2009, three men and one woman - all police officers for Lakewood, WA, sat in a coffee shop together. Working on paperwork. Getting ready to start their day. At 8:15 AM, one very disturbed man took their lives - he took them randomly and violently - the only qualification for his kill was that they were police officers.

Evil took a step.

Today, as I watch part of the memorial procession before heading back to work, I have learned "To protect and serve" also means:

A procession of law enforcement vehicles over 10 miles long. As the fallen and their families were escorted into the Tacoma Dome today, cars from the processiona had still not left McChord Air Force Base.

Over 261 agencies sent officers to support the families - both personal and professional (the Lakewood Police Department is only five years old).

There were over 1,000 Canadian Royal Mounted Police Officers who came to show their respect.

Officers were present from places such as Alaska, California, Oregon, Louisiana, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, New York and many, many more I'll not hear about until some mentions them in passing.

Evil has been met by a wall so large it is impossible to see it all.

As stated in one news report: The call went out... 4 down in Lakewood. Over 20,000 respond.


Pearl Harbor

December 7, 1941. "A date which will live in infamy." So said President Franklin Delano Roosevelt when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor 68 years ago today.

2,403 people died in that raid. Of the 1,177 servicemen who died on board the USS Arizona when it was sunk in the attack, 948 remained intombed in the ship at the bottom of the harbor. In addition to those killed, a total of 1,178 people (including civilians) were wounded.

In doing some research for this post, I stumbled across this article. It has some interesting facts regarding WWII veterans and who actually attacked who first on that fateful day.

Sometimes I see a license plate stating the driver was at Pearl Harbor. I used to see them a lot more often. Not so much anymore. It won't be too long before every man and woman who served or can remember Pearl Harbor will be gone. It is up to us to keep their memory alive, to honor their service and to never forget - or undervalue - what they did and went through. If WWII had not been won by "the Allied forces," our world would look vastly different, I am sure. I'm pretty sure it would not be better.

If you have the privilege of living near a war museum, take some time. Walk through it with your children. Talk about our history. Remind them of the sacrifice so many have made so that they have the honor of living free.


Sunday Strength

"Men of Israel, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know. This man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

David said about him:

'I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will live in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.'

~Acts 2:22-28


Those Who Promise to Protect & Serve

On October 31st a Seattle policeman was brutally killed and his partner wounded in what turned out to be an random act of violence against police officers. He wasn't chosen because the killer had a particular vendetta against him personally but only because he wore the uniform of a police officer.

Then, this past Sunday, November 29, 2009, four police officers were brutally murdered as they sat in a coffee shop filling out paperwork, finishing reports...getting ready to wrap up their shift.

In less than one month, five families left fatherless, motherless, brotherless, sisterless, sonless, daughterless...

There aren't words to express the depth of sadness I feel. While I do not live in Lakewood, those of us who don't but live within a few miles of the town feel as though we might as well. We are one community. We are reeling and it will be a bit before we feel at all normal (whatever that means) again.

We can rest easier tonight knowing a Seattle police officer made sure the man who killed the four Lakewood officers is no longer any kind of threat to anyone. He has answered to God for what he has done. I do not imagine it was a pleasant conversation for him.

My prayers go up for those families. May God grant them comfort, peace, strength... they will need all of that just to get out of bed in the morning for a very long time, I am sure. May we never, never forget... Never.