Mother's Day

Mother's Day is May 13th this year.  Two days before the anniversary of Mom's death.  Sunday, the 6th, is the anniversary of my "last good day" with my Mom last year.  It was a Friday.  I knew this month would be hard, I've been dreading it for a long time. 

I just didn't think it would be THIS hard.  Mother's Day.  I don't think I like it very much right now.  Every single time I turn around, someone is offering free printables online, cards, Hallmark...  EVERY moment reminds me my mother isn't here anymore.  She isn't here for me to talk to, buy gifts for, figure out ways to show her how much she means to me.

Grief for a believer really is selfish.  All I can think about is how it bothers ME that she's gone.  Even when I try to soften the blow, remind myself where she is and who she is with, I bring it back to me - I miss her.  I want to talk to her.  I want to hug her.  I want to - one more time - tell her how much I love her.  I want to ask her what to do about so many things...

Yup.  Grief for a believer is pretty selfish...

Doesn't matter.  I still miss my mother.  Achy miss her.  Physically painful miss her.

And it still stinks.

I don't much like Mother's Day.  Here's hoping it doesn't bother me quite so much next year..