Now...I don't want you to get the idea that I hear voices or that God speaks to me audibly on a regular basis (although - if He did - How cool would THAT be????) but that one time in my life... I call that period my "two inches from crazy" time. That break-up was a lot harder than almost anyone who knew me realized, I think. It was, truly, the only time in my life that the only thing that kept me going was knowing that if I took my own life, my son would hurt more than I could bear to consider. That was all I felt I had left but Thank God He didn't leave me thinking that.
At first I didn't really believe I'd heard what I thought I'd heard but He whispered it again. "Come back to me." So - I called a friend of mine, a dear, wonderful been-friends-for-almost-forever friend and asked her if I could go to church with her that Sunday.
That first Sunday was a new beginning for me. God lit me up and I can't explain it any other way. He filled me with His love, showing me over and over again that I had SO much more to live for, so much He wanted for - and from - me. No - I didn't go to perfect light right away and I still struggle with some of that dark time. Although... now? That struggle is not self-pity but more just regret - that it took me so long to see God for who He is. I do know it had to happen that way, God wants me to use all of what I've gone through. I see that opening before me almost on a daily basis. That twinge of regret, though, still surfaces on occasion. It's also not the only "dark" in my life. I still let things get to me and fall away from His Word, forget my prayer... You know - typical human stuff. However, He always, always, ALWAYS reminds me of that Friday on my couch, His whisper to me and I come running back to His arms.
As a sidenote? I learned the other day that I am on one of the first few
pages of her prayer journal (one she's had almost 10 years now). I have a
smiley face next to her prayer for me now... I have accepted Christ as my
Lord and Saviour. It was her prayer for me. God and His timing...
However... this is becoming a novella and I am straying SO far from what I had originally intended to write. So... I think I'll end this here. Make it a two-part post and I'll write the rest of my story for another day. Why I still can't believe God chose my husband for me...