Septic Systems and Lessons in Patience

We were in church last Sunday and our pastor was talking about being content and happy with what we have, stop trying to compare it to what we see - and think - others have. Its not a new concept, its a completely biblical concept, its just often easier to hear in theory than to practice for real. Our septic system has failed and there is a long, involved story to it so I'm not going to go into that here but it is just about the scariest thing I have ever experienced and I've been in/through some scary places/times in my life. Trying to stay "content" as we go through this is a constant challenge. I know God doesn't do anything out of order, what happens to us He allows for His reasons, I know this isn't at all bigger than He is and I know this didn't come as a surprise to Him but I still let myself feel anxious on occasion and even spent a day in tears I couldn't stop (well - the septic was a big part of that but not all of it). Anyhow, I can tell myself a thousand times God has it under control but I slip up with that whole human-ness thing and just can't imagine how this will all work out "to the good" or "for the good" in the end.

So...I'm working on contentment and praying about it a lot. I think of the man in Mark who cried out to Jesus "I believe, Lord help my unbelief" and I wonder just how much faith God intends to grow in me - in my husband and kids, too, through this situation (I jokingly say I'm good on faith for now...can you fix it, please God... today? He hasn't so far so I guess I'm supposed to keep on growing for now...).

Right now, I have mentally thrown myself into His arms although I haven't completely "allowed" Him to carry me yet. I feel like I have to "help" Him with that and it isn't that I think He needs me to do any carrying, I just don't think its fair to heap it all on Him. It can be a tough thing to think through - how much is me doing what I need to do and how much is me holding back from Him? Those answers come, I know, with prayer. Pray, pray and pray. Sometimes, though the silence can be deafening and that is where patience comes in, waiting on Him for His answer and patience is not my strong suit. Never has been. Angry - angry I can do. Patient - patient is a lot tougher. So - one more time, I thank Him that I even have a house to worry about, a family to live under its roof, a job to help pay for it, friends to entertain in it and a God who knows exactly what I need when I need it and it will show up at just the right moment.

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