Health - Part 4

So I've been working pretty hard at getting my glucose level down.  I met with the diabetic nurse at my doctor's clinic yesterday, appointment #2.  This was the appointment where she got to go through all of the things I need to watch out for, the things that can go wrong and why they are so serious for someone with diabetes.  Whewwww boy!!!  It's still overwhelming.  I know diabetes isn't the only disease that does this but it's incredible when you start looking at how interconnected our body systems are and how even the slightest off-balance in one starts a chain reaction, causing everything else to get out of whack. 

Despite all of the "doom and gloom" warnings that have to be given, there are a LOT of positives to report.  In the 3 weeks that I've been testing my glucose, my average is now 165.  Down from 341.  An amazing improvement and that was with the Metformin, diet and adding 30 minutes of exercise a day.  That's it so far.  I still have some tweaks to make to my diet and I hope to get up to 1 hour of exercise a day.  My goal is to keep my blood sugar below 160 after meals and below 100 before meals.  I've been below 160 after meals for the last week now so it's attainable.  I can see that.  I just have to be kind to myself and recognize it's not instantaneous.  I didn't get into this mess instantaneously - I can't expect to get it under control that quickly, either.

Also, I've lost another 8 pounds which makes 38 pounds total since October.  Can you hear the chorus singing "Hallelujah" ?  I know I can...  I can see it in my face, feel it in my clothes and it's just awesome, awesome, awesome!

There are major improvements in my eyes, too.  That's my biggest happiness in all of this.  My glasses are almost back to working 100%.  I don't need them for reading or computer work and that's fine (so my eyes are actually improving) but it's the distance I need to get back in line.  I still don't feel too comfortable driving at night but it's much, much, MUCH better.  The headaches are diminishing, too.  Thank you, Jesus!!!

And then to the giggles in this entire situation.  I've been getting on our recumbent bike every single day, riding 20 minutes the first 4 days then up to 25 for one week and finally, 30 minutes for the last 3 days.  Minor problem.  The seat on that bike is super-hard and even with a pillow under my bum, I've managed to bruise my tailbone.  I am in so much pain I'm home from work today because I simply can't "sit."  I can stand up or lay down but sitting upright?  Forget it.  Now...the pain isn't anything I'm enjoying but I can't help but laugh about this.  I mean - seriously - pulled hamstring?  That's an acceptable work-out injury.  Blow out your knee?  Ok.  But...  hurt your butt???  C'mon....  If I'm going to keep injuring myself can I at least do it so I get a cool story out of it?

::sigh::

I'm not really complaining, I'm laughing almost hysterically.  And I've been able to tease Christopher about laughing at my hurting my butt.  You have to be here and hear it but trust me - I've been laughing so hard tears have been rolling down my face.  Him, too...  What I consider entertaining.  Oh. my. golly...

 

Snow... snow... snow

Another day, another 4 inches of snow added to our already 6 inch base.  At the rate we're going, our back yard is going to become a major ski hill.  It's awesome.  I can say that - I don't have to go to work today.  My boss drove me home yesterday morning about 11AM. 

Sooooo beautiful!!!

Health - Part 3

Had my appointment on Thursday.  Discovered my glucose level - my fasting glucose level - on the 27th was 341.  341.  That's an ominous number.  Especially since it should be around 100. 

Scary.

So - I'm eating almost nothing but twigs & pine nuts and testing my blood twice a day.  See how low I can get my level and then if I'm at the target, I don't have to go back for 4 weeks.  If I don't reach target, I have to go back in 2 weeks.

Oh...and the medicine they've put me on.  Metformin.  1000 mg two times a day.  Heavy duty dosage... 

Yay.  Yay.  and Yay...

Health - Part 2

No surprises.  I am diabetic.  Oh yay...  This Thursday I have an appointment with the diabetic nurse at my doctor's clinic.  Education begins.  Say good-bye to my favorite chocolate.  Good-bye to ice cream.  I get to now find "substitutes" and I have to get serious about exercise.

Happy New Year to me.

Right now?  I'm thinking what a dunce I've been.  How lazy.  How selfish.  How gluttonous.  I did this to myself.  NO question about that.  No one to blame but me.  And now I have to do what it's going to take to stay as health as possible.  I'm 44 years old.  If only I could take the 3 months I'd need to go to the ranch.. Maybe Biggest Loser could get me back to what I used to me.  How I miss that me...

Health - Part 1

I say part 1 because who knows what's going to be coming from my visit with Dr. H. this morning.  Blood work - 4 tubes worth and a urine test later, I'll probably be told I'm diabetic and be looking at a whole host of tests, appointments, diet consultations, blood draws...  I often hate that I love food and hate exercise.  And I'm lazy.

So... there it is.  Day 1.  Let's see what the blood tests show.  I'm guessing super-high glucose, high cholesterol and a few other great do-dads...

Oh, joy.

Christmas is Coming

One more full day of work, one weekend day and then... Christmas.  Our first without my mother and the difference that makes is palpable.  It has been pretty overwhelming.  So many things I've wanted to call her to share and I can't.  I talk to her quite a bit but that never really made too much sense to me.  I know that's an exercise to make me feel better so it doesn't work as well as it could, I guess.  She is definitely doing something infinitely better than fighting traffic around the mall this Christmas.  That does bring a great deal of peace and for that I am incredibly grateful.  The hardest part, probably, is this "secret" desire I have to be with her instead of here...  Don't get me wrong - I'm not suicidal but I do look around at all of what happens at this time of the year and I always ask the same question:  "Why do we do all that we do for one day a year that doesn't have anything to do with what we do?"

It strikes me - my traditions are off, my priorities out of whack.  Why DON'T I do a bunch of stuff for one day a year that DOES have something to do with said one day?  Every year I say I'm going to do an advent wreath and then... I don't.  Every year I say I'm going to give more time to the homeless and every year?  I don't.  I do the Spirit of Christmas luncheon at my church and that's traditionally been it.   This year my Lifegroup is also started serving at our church food bank two times a month so I'm doing that tonight (and served back on the 8th) but... that's still only scratching the surface of my plan.  It has always been my intention to think of something through the year, look into how I can implement it and go for it.  Still hasn't happened...

I did grave blankets this year.  That is probably what pushed me a bit over the edge.  Mom & I have done Nan's together for the last 5 years.  Then - this year I did Nan's.  And Mom's.  By myself.  All I could see what that last weekend with Mom.  WHEN will it end???

Admittedly, my last several posts have been a bit on the sad side.  Well...I am a bit on the sad side.  I wake up every morning hoping that knot has loosened enough to let me feel like me again.  So far, it has given me some wiggle room but it's always there - ready to tighten up and cut off my breathing without notice.  It makes motivation a difficult concept.  I have none.  I snap, I mutter, I forget EVERYTHING, I cry for no apparent reason... I can't stand listening to Christmas music and all of its chipperness this year.  Even "Do You Hear What I Hear" drives me crazy and c'mon...that's one of the best Christmas songs ever.  

I tried to watch White Christmas with Aaron the other night.  Almost threw something at the TV. 

You can tell me I'm depressed.  That may be true.  For the most part, though, I'm just a woman who has been smacked by a 2x4 a few times this year and I'm trying to figure out what it means to get up each morning and put one foot in front of the other.

Perhaps if I'm still this sad next year I should be worried...

Can you tell I won't be unhappy when Monday arrives?

My joy isn't reliant upon my circumstances.  I keep telling myself that.  I'm also doing everything I can to think on what is true, noble, righteous, good...  I keep telling myself that Mom is in heaven.  Heaven.  I shouldn't be sad - I should be thrilled for her.  And a good part of me is.  It's that warring selfish side I have to battle that is wearing me down, I think. 

January 1 is 10 days away.  Come January 1 I'm going to treat this blog like a journal.  I'm going to have up days and down days and I'm going to record my thoughts and feelings.  Some days it'll be word vomit.  Other days?  Nothing.  But I'm going to try to pour it all out, sort it all through and with God's help - come out of it knowing who the new me is. 

Could be an interesting ride...  Secrets could spill. 

Well.  It could happen...

Heartbroken...

How does one handle the death of a child?  How does one approach the parents?  What can I possibly say to people who are aching with a pain I can't even begin to imagine?  What do they need?   What does God want us to do for them?

Today I learned that friends of mine had to take their 8 year old daughter off of life support.  She had been diagnosed with ITP (idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura), a blood disorder in August.  A risk with ITP is blood clots.  She developed one, in her brain. 

Eight years old. 

Christmas will never be the same again for this family.  Life will never be the same again for this family.  What can a person do?  Say?  My heart is absolutely shattered and I can't begin to imagine what they are feeling. 

I can't even think to write.