When the doctor told my mother about her tumor and left the office, the three of us fought tears. There is no other word for it - fear had entered that room and consumed it. The first words out of my mother's mouth when the doctor was gone? "You might as well go ahead and plan my funeral."
My sister and I responded exactly as you would think we would - telling her to knock it off, don't think that way, let's find out all we can, we will help you with this in every way we can but Mom knew. Most people would tell you it's a self-fulfilling prophecy idea. If you believe you can't beat it, you won't.
I don't agree with that. I do believe many people, who were already sick, decline once they have a firm diagnosis but I also believe that's because what they already knew is now public knowledge. They no longer have to buck up, pretend they're ok...they can let that go.
What I do believe is Mom, for all that she struggled with and through, walked with God every day of her life. I believe she knew He was going to call her home and how and while she wasn't thrilled with it, was actually quite nervous at all she was going to go through, she accepted it as truth. She didn't want to die, believe me. She had asked for, prayed for, begged for even, the ability to take my oldest niece to Germany when said niece graduated from high school. It was a trip the two of them had been talking about for years. Mom had backed out of a trip to Germany with my sister-in-law and her two, my niece and nephew, just that summer because she wasn't feeling well.
My mother had a life to live and she was very unhappy it was interrupted. Shocker, right? Who would be happy? But...interrupted it was and so it all began. Our next visit? Mom's first appointment with her oncologist.