Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
I have to keep relying on God to keep me strong because seriously, I can see the cracks in my veneer. I have to keep hold of the hem of His robe because if I forget and let go with even just one finger, I start to crumble...
This grief, this grief that is like a rogue wave? It threatens to wash me away every day. I look around and see faces and know I am NOT the only one suffering with the loss of someone so close. I think of those parents who have lost their children, babies... I think of friends who have lost beloved sisters and brothers... Loved ones who have lost a spouse (including my father). And - I am not the only person I know who has lost a parent.
It is in that knowing that I resolve every day to not let that wave carry me away. If they can do it, I can do it, too.
Truth is, though - I need the help that only the arms of Jesus can provide. If He weren't holding me up, I wouln't care that everyone else can do it. I'd crumble. Melt. Fall apart. I wouldn't care about anything or anyone and I'd curl up in a self-pitying ball and just...stop functioning.
Those are the thoughts swirling in my head. So...as I face another onslaught from that stupid rogue wave, I turn my face heavenword and I cry out to the One who holds the world. He holds me, too...