Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

I have to keep relying on God to keep me strong because seriously, I can see the cracks in my veneer.  I have to keep hold of the hem of His robe because if I forget and let go with even just one finger, I start to crumble...

This grief, this grief that is like a rogue wave?  It threatens to wash me away every day.  I look around and see faces and know I am NOT the only one suffering with the loss of someone so close.  I think of those parents who have lost their children, babies...  I think of friends who have lost beloved sisters and brothers...  Loved ones who have lost a spouse (including my father).  And - I am not the only person I know who has lost a parent.

It is in that knowing that I resolve every day to not let that wave carry me away.  If they can do it, I can do it, too.

Truth is, though - I need the help that only the arms of Jesus can provide.  If He weren't holding me up, I wouln't care that everyone else can do it.  I'd crumble.  Melt.  Fall apart.  I wouldn't care about anything or anyone and I'd curl up in a self-pitying ball and just...stop functioning. 

Those are the thoughts swirling in my head.  So...as I face another onslaught from that stupid rogue wave, I turn my face heavenword and I cry out to the One who holds the world.  He holds me, too...

1 comment:

Made In The South said...

You are so right...we all have been through grieving. But only God help with that pain in your heart. He is the only one that truely understands where you are in the process.
May the wave you are feeling be short..