A few of years ago, God started impressing upon me verses for the year. I don't think I realized until this morning that's what it has been but it occurred to me there has been a verse each year which God puts in front of me several times in a very short period of time. I'm not talking one or two times, I'm talking 6 or more. It usually takes that many for me to realize this is important to Him for me.
In 2007, when He had me get up off the sidelines learning about human trafficking and actually dive into it full throttle, He gave me Proverbs 31:8-9: "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."
2008 He hit me with: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. That's Proverbs 16:32.
In 2009, He set me up with "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD, keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3
(Noticing a theme with those last two?... I had some work to do....)
This year, it is Galatians 6:9: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
That one has been a serious punch in the gut. I didn't even realize I had given up on some things but when that verse popped up this morning (for the 5th time...) I started thinking about all that has happened in the last couple of years and just how... weary I am:
1. Tired of praying the same prayer over my oldest son to see nothing change.
2. Tired of waking up every day saying "today is the day I will forgive (there are a few names to fill in this blank)" and by nightfall realize I'd thought super-angry thoughts about a few of those people on my list. I haven't forgiven anyone anything.
3. Tired of praying God show us how to get me out of the full-time workforce so I can focus more on my volunteer work (yes - this one is pretty selfish, I know...) and instead have Him narrow my time so my volunteer work is less.
4. Tired of praying God takes away the desire to raise a daughter. He has seen fit to give me sons. Awesome sons. I love them more than I can say but...a daughter. Oh how I'd love a little girl. I joke and say "perhaps a granddaughter someday" and there would be no complaint from me to have one but for as long as I can remember I wanted a daughter. Sometimes the desires of our heart are not within His will. It is a fact I struggle to accept and have yet to be successful.
Weary. I pray day in and day out and yet...none of the above has worked the way I'd hoped. I hope this post doesn't sound whiny, I don't mean it to. It just struck me this morning when I heard the verse. Of those prayers I pray on a pretty regular basis that haven't been answered the way I would like them to, I wonder... what is it God is going to change this year? Part of me is nervous, too. While I know God works everything to the good of those who love Him, that working can hurt a bit. He'll be right there the whole time and my head knows all of that. My heart still says "but oh, I don't want the pain..." Will I like how things change? When the change happens, what else will be different because of the changes...
On and on my mind races. One word came to me when thinking of 2010 a few weeks ago - teachable. I hope to remain teachable. Another word came to me last night. Bold. Then this verse...
Can anyone beside me hear the shoulder harness on the roller coaster locking in place?