The Deepest Pain

Like almost everyone around the world, after the evil of Friday, December 14, I have hugged my children and my husband tighter.  Things that might have been of massive importance just aren't what they were.  Our company holiday party was Friday and it was absolutely the last place on earth I wanted to be. 
My heart is shattered, I ache for every parent, every teacher, every person affected by the loss of those who were killed, shown no mercy, in Newtown, CT.  I can't imagine the evil that permeated, the feeling of darkness as that young man forced his way into that school.  The cold that had to have preceeded him and followed him
This is not the first time horror was visited upon children...
When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:

“A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more.”
I've read so many - so many - views on last Friday.  People with incredible insight writing, trying to make some semblance of sense out of what happened.  Some cursing God, some enfolding themselves in His arms. 
To me, the murder of innocents sends me right to God's lap.  Who more than He understands evil?  Who more than He has stood up to it?  Who more than He has offered His only child to be murdered?

Oh how trivial my words feel.  I understand the pain of loss but not violent loss.  I wouldn't dream for one second to say I can understand what those parents are feeling and I do feel my words are like dust in the wind.  No matter the kindnesses offered, no matter the suredness I have in God's sovereignty, it will not return those children to their parents. 

So I have my prayers.  And in them, strength.  Because I know I don't have the words.  I know I can't offer the comfort but I know the One who can.  And will.  And does. 

How I pray those who are living this horror, today and every day, feel what I know.  I pray they are left with no doubt that God loves them, He is there for them and it makes no sense to us - He understands that - but His plan DOES make sense and in it there is nothing but perfection.

We don't get the "why" of evil.  I know I sure don't.  I don't understand why God felt it necessary for evil to enter this world and I sure don't understand why He's allowed it to continue for so long.

All I know is He does.  And I trust that, I rest in that. 

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