Apparently I was wrong. This morning he casually mentions, as he's on his way to work, that if he isn't feeling better by tomorrow he thinks he'll go to the hospital.
The hospital. Not the doctor. The hospital. (I so love the stoicism men can have!!!!)
I didn't react in an immediate panic, I started asking questions and as he started listing off what he was feeling, I oh so calmly told him to get his butt to the doctor now. Don't go to work. Call the boss, tell her you'll be late and go.
Fortunately he was kind of getting the idea that's where I was going with it all when we were talking so he had already gotten off the freeway & was at our doctor's office when I said that. This cracked me up, too... He says to me... "What do I say? Do I walk in and ask if I can be seen because I'm having chest pains?" And well... ummmm... the calm might have cracked here a bit when I said "YES!!!!"
A bit of time goes by, maybe 1/2 an hour, and I get a call from his boss asking me how he is. I said I didn't know, I hadn't heard from him yet. And she says "So... his blood pressure was crazy high & they were doing an EKG and you haven't heard how that went?" And yes... he told HER, not ME...
I stood there for a few seconds and then started laughing and told her that she knew more than I did (and at the same time I'm turning off things in my office, locking the safe, getting out my keys...) and that I would call her as soon as I learned more.
As I'm driving to the doctor's office, I try to call him. No answer. So I know they haven't "set him free" or anything yet. He calls me as I am, literally, parking my car in the parking lot at the clinic. He asks me which pharmacy we use.
And I find I can breathe again.
Because if they're calling in a prescription, he isn't having a heart attack. But I'm probably going to kill him for telling his boss not me... :)
When I ask him what they found, he says he'll call me back in a few seconds. I tell him I'm in the parking lot. He squeaks out "here?" Yeah. Here. When you tell your boss and she tells me that your BP is sky high & they're doing an EKG, I get a bit concerned. And I don't want to have to cover that extra 1/2 hour if they're tossing your butt in an ambulance and driving it to the hospital.
I did a lot of talking with God on the way to the doctor but I found it interesting later that I didn't ask God to heal A, or keep A alive. I just asked Him to please give me the opportunity to tell him again that I love him and that he has been the best husband ever.
So...I did learn that while I would not be thrilled if God chose to call A home, I won't be pissed off, either. That was kind of nice.
It does seem, however, that it was not quite A's time. Esphogeal spasms. Apparently those suckers have symptoms that mimic a heart attack. A is on prescription Prilosec and is probably going to feel pretty lousy for another day or so but he has tomorrow off so he can rest and let the meds do their work.
As I reflect on the morning, in addition to knowing I won't be mad at God, I learned that I can handle some iffy news without panicking - at least not right away - and I also learned that A & I need to get super-serious super-fast about getting healthy. We're only in our mid-40's. God willing, we have a lot of living to do and days like today aren't anything I want to repeat too often.