This morning's question of the day on my radio station was "How do you know when you have "become" a man (or a woman?)?"
It's a very interesting question to me. I've been thinking about it for a good part of they day. When I was two months shy of graduating from high school, I was engaged to a man I knew I didn't really want to marry. I only said yes because I "knew" no one else would ever want to marry me. That was uber-foolish and incredibly insensitive to the man I married. I didn't care, though. To add to my foolish thinking, I ended up pregnant two months before I graduated from high school, married that October and separated 20 months after that. From Miss to Mrs. to Mommy to Ms. in just under two years time.
My son, though. Oh my handsome, glorious, bright, funny and wonderful son. He made every moment of my folly worth it. The trouble I've had for years, though, is struggling with the idea that I did him a horrible disservice in raising him. I did not raise him with the fear of the Lord, he doesn't even know who God is. He thinks he knows who I "believe" God to be but my son doesn't have any kind of relationship with Him whatsoever. Breaks my heart and for those of you who have children, you can completely understand why.
When the radio station asked that question this morning, it really got me to thinking. I believed I became a woman the day I gave birth to my son and suddenly a world of responsibility I never actually fathomed was wrapped in the tiniest of blankets and laying in my arms.
I was wrong. That brought me closer but it was the finish. I could say looking back that I believe it might have been when I turned 30. I would have been wrong there, too. I was acting very grown-up but I was not yet a woman.
Truth? The truth is I am still growing into womanhood. My goal, my prayer is to attain this:
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. ~1 Peter 3:1-6If and when I become THAT woman? I will know I am finally, truly a woman. In the meantime, I remain a child of God, following Him and working toward that beautiful picture of a true woman of God. My prayer is God allows me the privilege of realizing that goal and attaining it before He calls me home. That is, however, entirely up to Him because in the end, no matter what I hope for, wish for or dream for - it's not about me, it's about Him and His glory alone.
Next? Becoming a man of God (my opinion and hence the background at the beginning of this post...).