As I start typing this post, it's 5:05 PM on a Saturday afternoon. Aaron is going to be done at work in 10 minutes and heading home. When he gets here, we'll head out to do some grocery shopping and get what we need for the upcoming week.
While I'm waiting, I'm winding down a bit from a very busy day. I'm perusing a few blogs here and there and stumbled across this post. When I finished, I rubbed my head, feeling a bit bruised because my conscience had slapped me just a little silly. I have a host of deviations from what she was saying but I say that in some minor attempt to justify my behavior.
I know better.
You won't find me at the outlet mall and when we head into a state that has a lower tax rate, I don't rush into all of the stores picking up the deals but... I get online. I will spend a Saturday dusting, doing laundry, picking up clutter and rearranging things so the house looks good and then it hits... the "I need a rest" thought.
And to the computer I go.
One blog will talk about some wonderful recipe and it'll mention an immersion blender and I'm off to search for one that's cordless. Someone else will talk about another gadget or they'll have been asked to review a product and I have to do a bit more digging. Or someone will mention a great new vendor on Etsy and there I go...
To shop. Even if I end up only window shopping, I can't resist looking.
And it's put us in a not so great place. Don't get me wrong - we can pay the bills. But when we went to buy our new car, Aaron had to be on the loan with me because I have such high revolving credit that my credit score is no longer high enough to be acceptable for the lower interest rate loans.
And that is incredibly hard to admit here. It's hard to admit just to myself but REALLY hard to state it publicly. But after reading that post I think I need to. I think I need to get serious about saying "no." A couple of months ago I did unsubscribe to about 10 different "newsletters" and weekly store ads but I still get a few. I think it's time to ditch them all. Take up reading when I "need to rest" instead of sitting on the computer.
I need to stop.
Stop thinking that I can spend $20, $30, $40 on something that I know I don't need but it's "cool" or "pretty" or will make life easier and pay for itself.
Our giving is down. And that's not ok. Not at all. And I need to stop making it worse. How is this me being a good steward? I'm not. Every time I start down this road, I think of Luke 12:47-48 and at the end of those two verses it says "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Truth is, I've been given MUCH. There are so many with SO much less than me and what have I done with it? Who have I clothed? Who have I fed? Who have I helped. Yes - one or two here and there but nothing consistent.
And I continue to spend...
I need to say no to myself. More. And hopefully get better at it. Perhaps I, instead of skipping the J Crew Outlet store will get to where I skip amazon.com. And figure out how to give more...